I’m laughing harder than when I first saw this in the 6th grade
i’m fucking crying
his face is terrifying
things I want to do with u
- make grilled cheese
- watch dumb movies
- make a blanket fort
- maybe kiss or something
- take selfies
- hold hands
- dance to cute music
- go for walks outside
don’t wake me up early in the morning unless you want sex
My mother tells me
that when I meet someone I like,
I have to ask them three questions:
1. what are you afraid of?
2. do you like dogs?
3. what do you do when it rains?
of those three, she says the first one is the most important.
“They gotta be scared of something, baby. Everybody is. If they aren’t afraid of anything, then they don’t believe in anything, either.”
I met you on a Sunday, right
one look and my heart fell into
my stomach like a trap door.
on our second date,
I asked you what you were afraid of.
“spiders, mostly. being alone. little children, like, the ones who just learned how to push a kid over on the playground. oh and space. holy shit, space.”
I asked you if you liked dogs.
“I have three.”
I asked you what you do when it rains.
“sleep, mostly. sometimes I sit at the window and watch the rain droplets race. I make a shelter out of plastic in my backyard for all the stray animals; leave them food and a place to sleep.”
he smiled like he knew.
like his mom told him the same
“how about you?”
I’m scared of everything.
of the hole in the o-zone layer,
of the lady next door who never
smiles at her dog,
and especially of all the secrets
the government must be breaking
it’s back trying to keep from us.
I love dogs so much, you have no idea.
I sleep when it rains.
I want to tell everyone I love them.
I want to find every stray animal and bring them home.
I want to wake up in your hair
and make you shitty coffee
and kiss your neck
and draw silly stick figures of us.
I never want to ask anyone else
Every woman has mastered this. We are actually born with this skill.
You level up when you can do it with long sleeves
I was the only girl on an all-boys varsity soccer team. I had to change on the bus during away games because I didn’t have a locker room at other schools. I was not uncomfortable with that, actually. I did what I had to.
But one day I noticed that like three guys who were seniors were just staring at me as I did this and I must have shot them a dirty look because one of them (who is actually a family friend) was like “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to stare, but we’re still trying to figure out how the hell girls do that” and I just felt bad. They just want to get their girlfriend’s bra off without losing an eye and we can remove the whole thing like fucking wizards
i told my mom about this post and she went ‘wait, you can do it with long sleeves? um, i’ll be right back’
Hey I can bust that shit out through two shirts and a hoodie DOES THAT MAKE ME A GODDESS?
Yes, yes it does. You should make a how to guide.
I really hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts popping and making explosive noises so I check it and it’s freezing cold like why you gotta play me like that
The girl who was my elementary school girl friend just got engaged and I’m sitting here single wearing a pug shirt and hamburger underwear
Just remember, u r someone’s dream girl
I’m a boy
Tumblr has made us forget that some people are actually straight
[reaches down to touch football] Its still warm. Theres been sports here recently.
Dont be afraid to confess how utterly in love w/ me you are its okay
*points to bedroom* This is where we frick frack.
*points to kitchen* This is where we snick snack.
*points to living room* This is where we kick back.
*points to bathroom* This is where we shit shat.
how do u attractive
my interpretation of Elsa’s “Let it go”
my idea of a hot date
I had no idea there were women like this how do I find them?
I mean shit bro are we really that rare
show me a man who would have a doctor who or tolkein marathon as a first date and I think I will have found my soulmate.
show me a woman who would have a doctor who or tolkein marathon as a first date and I think I will have found my soulmate.
I think they found each other’s soul mates, guys.
I ship it
i had no idea that there were guys that would like this i need to get out more
the problem is that they’re not out either